From the Heart

day of the dead

Posted by on Nov 1, 2016 in Family, Grief, Hope, Joy after loss, Life Lessons, Moving Forward, Uncategorized | 0 comments

I was busy in the kitchen one night chopping onions and preparing dinner. My mind was wandering like it typically does when I’m doing little tasks. Kate and Ryder were plopped on the bar stools busy with homework and a snack. The house was fairly quiet for this time of day, the only noise were vegetables sizzling in the skillet. “Hey mom, do you know what this means? Dia de los Muertos,” Kate spoke slowly, struggling but determined to pronounce each word correctly. “Um. No, I don’t,” I replied. I knew she was speaking Spanish, but I took four...

read more

the numbers are in…

Posted by on Aug 17, 2016 in Grief, Hope, Jackson's Jam, JR Hearts, Nonprofit, Uncategorized | 0 comments

This had been a year in the making. When I thought about organizing our flagship event for JR Hearts 12 months ago, I had no idea what it was going to be. I didn’t even know what JR Hearts would look like yet. I sat around the table with three incredible women and we brainstormed. When it comes to doing anything in Jackson’s name, I can be pretty indecisive. It has to be perfect in my eyes. We had several concepts brewing, and after a couple of months, they morphed into the grandest idea. With Jackson’s love of music and dancing and Eric’s...

read more

keeping my promise more than three years later

Posted by on Jul 6, 2016 in Briggs and Al's Run, Children's Hospital, Grief, Hope, JR Hearts, Moving Forward, Nonprofit | 0 comments

“Instead of asking why they left, now I ask what beauty will I create in the space they no longer occupy?” – Rudy Francisco A couple of days after Jackson passed away, my cousin called to offer her condolences. Through the tears, I told her, “Something good will come from this. I will make sure of it.” I don’t quite know where I found the strength to make such a grand promise because as I sat there on the phone, my heart was broken into a million tiny pieces. But I knew from the beginning that I would not let Jackson’s death be in vain....

read more

moving and memories

Posted by on May 26, 2016 in Family, Grief, Life Lessons, Moving Forward | 0 comments

Eric and I have moved three times since we’ve been married. They’ve all been big moves to different states, traveling a couple of hundred, and sometimes almost a thousand miles, to our new destination. I embraced each move and looked at them as adventures to new areas. I loved house hunting and finding something that our family would soon call home. There’s something exhilarating about it all – starting over fresh, the unknown, experiencing new parts of the country. I could have done without all of the paper and boxes and packing, but I...

read more

does it get any easier?

Posted by on Apr 20, 2016 in Family, Grief, Hope, Moving Forward, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Sigh. Here we are again. In this crappy month of April. On Jackson’s Angel Day. This is a hard day. And I don’t think this particular day will ever be anything but. This is the day, three years ago, that our lives changed. Forever. It’s the day my heart cracked wide open, never to fully heal. It’s the day I realized “it” could happen to me and that tomorrow is not promised to any of us. I hate the month of April with every ounce of my being. And yet I love it with all my heart. How is it possible to feel such vastly different emotions about...

read more

my boys

Posted by on Apr 6, 2016 in Baby After Child Loss, Grief, Hope, Joy after loss, Uncategorized | 0 comments

I love my boys. Both stole my heart the first moment our eyes met as the doctor held them over the blue curtain. Three-and-a-half years apart in age, yet they share so many similarities. They are both fair skinned with wispy blond hair. Their smiles light up a room. They have the same chubby little hands that lock perfectly with mine. They both have a cute, button nose and eyes the color of a dark sky before an impending thunderstorm. They love giving kisses through the spindles on the staircase as they head to bed. They adore their big...

read more

it’s the little things

Posted by on Mar 14, 2016 in Family, Grief, Hope, Joy after loss, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Sometimes it’s the smallest acts in life that mean the most. For me, it was yesterday morning, as I was looking out my front window. Kate and her friend were playing with the window markers this weekend, and as I was admiring their brightly colored artwork (and slightly dreading the clean-up of said windows), I saw this. I assumed Kate wrote it because she almost always includes Jackson when she’s writing about the family. But I was a little surprised when I asked her, and she said, “No, Addie did.” Kate’s sweet friend, who barely knew...

read more

messy but beautiful

Posted by on Feb 1, 2016 in Family, Grief, Hope | 0 comments

Kate, Ryder and I were hanging out in the kitchen cooking and eating, dancing and singing the other day. Kate discovered a new kids and family radio station, so we had the music blaring through the speakers while we baked some chocolate cupcakes. I love dance parties at our house. They’re typically sporadic, but that’s when the most fun happens. After cracking the last egg, Kate picked up the spoon, flipped it upside down and started singing into her self-made microphone. I followed suit with the jar of balsamic vinegar. And Ryder just danced...

read more

a day to remember

Posted by on Sep 22, 2015 in Briggs and Al's Run, Children's Hospital, Grief | 0 comments

So, you guys…this happened over the weekend! And this… And this….   For the 5th year in a row our family participated in Briggs and Al’s Run for Children’s Hospital. When we first formed our team, Jackson strolled along with us on our three mile walk. But over the years, Al’s Run has become a celebration in memory of our boy. I wish I could adequately put into words what the day was like, but it is truly something you have to experience for yourself. You might think that it would be a difficult day for us. And I...

read more

a seat for one

Posted by on Aug 31, 2015 in Family, Grief, Moving Forward, Uncategorized | 0 comments

I love going school supply shopping. There is something about a new school year and new supplies. They are untouched and unblemished. Fresh. Ready and waiting to be opened and used for the very first time. Blank pages are filled with hope and excitement for the year ahead. Earlier this month, we embarked on the annual trip for Kate’s school supplies. She starts third grade tomorrow (She is growing up too fast, but that’s another post for another day), and it’s a nice, long list we have to fulfill. Last year, I made the mistake and took her a...

read more