From the Heart

moving and memories

Posted by on May 26, 2016 in Family, Grief, Life Lessons, Moving Forward | 0 comments

Eric and I have moved three times since we’ve been married. They’ve all been big moves to different states, traveling a couple of hundred, and sometimes almost a thousand miles, to our new destination. I embraced each move and looked at them as adventures to new areas. I loved house hunting and finding something that our family would soon call home. There’s something exhilarating about it all – starting over fresh, the unknown, experiencing new parts of the country. I could have done without all of the paper and boxes and packing, but I...

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does it get any easier?

Posted by on Apr 20, 2016 in Family, Grief, Hope, Moving Forward, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Sigh. Here we are again. In this crappy month of April. On Jackson’s Angel Day. This is a hard day. And I don’t think this particular day will ever be anything but. This is the day, three years ago, that our lives changed. Forever. It’s the day my heart cracked wide open, never to fully heal. It’s the day I realized “it” could happen to me and that tomorrow is not promised to any of us. I hate the month of April with every ounce of my being. And yet I love it with all my heart. How is it possible to feel such vastly different emotions about...

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my boys

Posted by on Apr 6, 2016 in Baby After Child Loss, Grief, Hope, Joy after loss, Uncategorized | 0 comments

I love my boys. Both stole my heart the first moment our eyes met as the doctor held them over the blue curtain. Three-and-a-half years apart in age, yet they share so many similarities. They are both fair skinned with wispy blond hair. Their smiles light up a room. They have the same chubby little hands that lock perfectly with mine. They both have a cute, button nose and eyes the color of a dark sky before an impending thunderstorm. They love giving kisses through the spindles on the staircase as they head to bed. They adore their big...

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it’s the little things

Posted by on Mar 14, 2016 in Family, Grief, Hope, Joy after loss, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Sometimes it’s the smallest acts in life that mean the most. For me, it was yesterday morning, as I was looking out my front window. Kate and her friend were playing with the window markers this weekend, and as I was admiring their brightly colored artwork (and slightly dreading the clean-up of said windows), I saw this. I assumed Kate wrote it because she almost always includes Jackson when she’s writing about the family. But I was a little surprised when I asked her, and she said, “No, Addie did.” Kate’s sweet friend, who barely knew...

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messy but beautiful

Posted by on Feb 1, 2016 in Family, Grief, Hope | 0 comments

Kate, Ryder and I were hanging out in the kitchen cooking and eating, dancing and singing the other day. Kate discovered a new kids and family radio station, so we had the music blaring through the speakers while we baked some chocolate cupcakes. I love dance parties at our house. They’re typically sporadic, but that’s when the most fun happens. After cracking the last egg, Kate picked up the spoon, flipped it upside down and started singing into her self-made microphone. I followed suit with the jar of balsamic vinegar. And Ryder just danced...

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a day to remember

Posted by on Sep 22, 2015 in Briggs and Al's Run, Children's Hospital, Grief | 0 comments

So, you guys…this happened over the weekend! And this… And this….   For the 5th year in a row our family participated in Briggs and Al’s Run for Children’s Hospital. When we first formed our team, Jackson strolled along with us on our three mile walk. But over the years, Al’s Run has become a celebration in memory of our boy. I wish I could adequately put into words what the day was like, but it is truly something you have to experience for yourself. You might think that it would be a difficult day for us. And I...

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a seat for one

Posted by on Aug 31, 2015 in Family, Grief, Moving Forward, Uncategorized | 0 comments

I love going school supply shopping. There is something about a new school year and new supplies. They are untouched and unblemished. Fresh. Ready and waiting to be opened and used for the very first time. Blank pages are filled with hope and excitement for the year ahead. Earlier this month, we embarked on the annual trip for Kate’s school supplies. She starts third grade tomorrow (She is growing up too fast, but that’s another post for another day), and it’s a nice, long list we have to fulfill. Last year, I made the mistake and took her a...

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juggling joy and grief

Posted by on Aug 22, 2015 in Baby After Child Loss, Family, Grief, Hope, Uncategorized | 0 comments

It’s amazing to me the power one teeny, tiny baby can have. Not even 20 inches long and weighing less than a sack of potatoes when he was born. Yet this little human is transforming my life. Ryder turned one this week, and from the moment he was born, joy began weaving its way back into our broken lives, and I never thought that would be possible. When Jackson moved to Heaven, I was in a deep, dark place. I struggled. With everything. Grief is heavy. It weighs you down. I constantly juggled being happy for Kate, and not wanting to have any...

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learning life’s lessons the hard way

Posted by on Jun 5, 2015 in Family, Life Lessons | 0 comments

There have been and continue to be many lessons scattered along this new path I’m walking. I don’t think lessons are ever easy to learn. Lessons signify change, and I don’t always like change. The lessons in front of me these days are especially hard because I’m learning them at a heavy price – the cost of losing my son. I have to admit, I can be a little stubborn sometimes which is probably why I don’t like learning new things – especially when they are hard. When Eric and I first started dating, he tried to teach me how to play...

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happy 4th birthday, Jackson!

Posted by on Apr 22, 2015 in Family, Grief, Hope | 0 comments

Dear Jackson, Happy 4th birthday!!! I can only imagine what wondrous birthday parties there are in Heaven! Are you celebrating with cake and ice cream like we did two years ago? Did you make a wish and blow out your candles? What did you wish for? I bet Heaven is like one big birthday party all the time! It’s hard to believe that today, on your 4th birthday, you have lived in Heaven longer than you were with us. Jackson, that breaks my heart. When I realized it, Momma fell to her knees and cried. It hurt to my core. Momma hasn’t cried that...

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