a gift

Jackson gave me a precious gift last week. 

One week ago from yesterday was March 20. The day marked 11 months that Jackson left us to be with Jesus. The 20th of every month is difficult for me. I don’t know if that will ever change. It’s a number and a day that left a hole in my heart to never be filled until I am with my baby boy in Heaven. But on this particular day, Jackson decided to bless me with a moment that would hold me up and shower me with strength to make it through the next 12 hours.

I don’t dream about Jackson much. I’ve probably had three dreams about him since he moved to Heaven. But this morning was different. In the moments before I woke up, I dreamt Jackson and I were in Kate’s classroom. Jackson was getting into some of the teacher’s classroom supplies. He and I were playing with these tiny paper pieces in the palm of his sweet little hands. He stopped and looked at me with a big ole grin, grabbed my face and planted a wide, open-mouth kiss on my lips. I was laughing while he clung to me, enjoying every ounce of drool dripping down my face. And then I woke up.

It was a kiss just like he used to give us when he was younger. Open-mouthed, wet and slobbery with baby soft hands directing my face. I laid in bed and relished in the moment I had with him trying to remember what I could. It was perfect, except for the fact that it was a dream. As I went downstairs to start my day, I realized the date. March 20th. Eleven months ago my life changed forever. 

Before Jackson moved to Heaven, I never really thought about the meaning of dreams. But now that I have a child just on the other side of this thin veil, I realize dreams are one way our loved ones can communicate with us. I have no doubt Jackson orchestrated that dream to give me the peace and comfort I needed to get through the day. He knew it was going to be tough. He knew there would be lots of tears. But he also knew that one moment with him, even though just a dream, would help me get through my day. I love my little guy for all the moments like those that he gives me, and all the moments I hold in my heart that we spent together during his short time here.

Jackson, I’m blowing you a kiss…catch it!

XXXX,

Momma