happy 3rd birthday, Jackson!

Dear Jackson,

Happy 3rd Birthday!!!!!  Momma misses you terribly. Every day. Not a moment goes by that I don’t miss you or think about you. 

Buddy, I hope you are having a wonderful birthday in Heaven. I’m sure the birthday parties in Heaven are magnificent! I wish I could see you and talk to you and wrap my arms around you. I would love to know what you’re doing at this very moment. What do you look like? I bet you’ve grown a lot in this last year. Would I even recognize you?

We all miss you. I miss holding you. Daddy misses your kisses, especially at night when you would walk up the stairs and give him goodnight kisses through each spindle in the staircase. Kate misses playing with you, and Wesley misses you feeding her your food.

Jackson, I’ve been thinking about you a lot the last couple of days…I’ve been thinking about all of the details that made you – you. The scars on your chest. I miss your scars. I remember every detail of your scars. I remember the bumps that were left on your chest. I remember the six inches of healing and the six holes above your belly from the open heart surgery. And oh, how I loved your belly button. It was an outie, and I loved touching it and making you giggle. I loved your tushie. It was the cutest, softest tushie. I loved your hands, especially when they would grab mine and we would walk alongside each other. I miss cleaning your ears and wiping your nose. You always seemed to have a runny nose, but it was the cutest runny nose, and I never minded wiping it. 

I miss your beautiful dark blue eyes. Who knows if they were going to change, but the color of your eyes were radiant. I remember a few days before we left the hospital, the doctors were discussing if you were ready to leave yet because you weren’t eating enough on your own for a significant period of time. But one of the doctors said, “Look at his eyes. You can tell a lot about a person through their eyes, and he is one healthy little boy.” Your eyes were beautiful. 

I loved your soft, light blonde hair. It took awhile for you to really start growing hair. We called you Charlie Brown because of your bald head. But it was finally coming in strong, and it was just gorgeous. 

I loved your smile. You were the happiest child. Of all the pictures I have of you, I don’t think I have more than a handful where you’re not smiling. You were just a genuinely happy child. I miss your teeth. Watching them come in and counting each one. I miss helping you brush your teeth and saying good-bye to the sugar bugs. I miss your birthmark on the back of your neck. I miss hearing you say “I love you” and giving me kisses with your tongue sticking out. 

I miss you. Plain and simple. Every ounce of my being misses every single piece of you.

I know you are extremely happy where you are. And I am thankful for that. Thank you for continuing to show me signs that you are okay. Momma needs those, and you know just the right times to be there for me.

I love you so much, Buddy! Momma, Daddy and Kate are going to celebrate you today and the wonderful life you lived. You are forever in our hearts and always our little boy.

Love, 

Momma

For all those reading this, I ask for a special gift today. If you have any memories of Jackson that you treasure or things you remember that I might not necessarily have known about, please share them with us. Whether it’s via e-mail, facebook message or text. We always love hearing Jackson stories. Please share even if we already know them. I like to journal them to make sure we never forget those memories that everyone holds close. Thank you.