moving forward
“No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you’re the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.” – Unknown Only six more weeks to go until Baby Reese makes his debut into this world. There are so many emotions racing through my body as the day approaches, and so many decisions to be made. As Eric and I prepare though, it’s different. We’re not preparing in the same way we did when our first child entered the world. We had no idea what to expect with our first. We were clueless as most new parents are. They don’t give you all the details in your birthing classes otherwise I think people would run in the other direction! We were filled with excitement and wonder. And the moment we...
happy 3rd birthday, Jackson!
Dear Jackson, Happy 3rd Birthday!!!!! Momma misses you terribly. Every day. Not a moment goes by that I don’t miss you or think about you. Buddy, I hope you are having a wonderful birthday in Heaven. I’m sure the birthday parties in Heaven are magnificent! I wish I could see you and talk to you and wrap my arms around you. I would love to know what you’re doing at this very moment. What do you look like? I bet you’ve grown a lot in this last year. Would I even recognize you? We all miss you. I miss holding you. Daddy misses your kisses, especially at night when you would walk up the stairs and give him goodnight kisses through each spindle in the staircase. Kate misses playing with you, and Wesley misses you feeding her your food. Jackson, I’ve...
a year of heartache and hope
One year ago today, at 4:21 p.m., my world forever changed. One year. Twelve long months. 365 excruciating days. In the blink of an eye, a piece of my heart was stolen from me. I will never, ever, be the person I was before. I relive April 20, 2013 every day. I remember each moment of that day like it was yesterday. I remember coming out of the bathroom that morning to find Eric and Jackson snuggling in bed. I remember Jackson walking on the bed, coming over to me with his blanket and bears, wanting me to pick him up and carry him downstairs. I remember thinking he felt warm, but I assumed it was because he was under all of the blankets on our bed cuddling with Eric. I remember getting him a bottle of milk and making my coffee. I remember nestling with him...
a gift
Jackson gave me a precious gift last week. One week ago from yesterday was March 20. The day marked 11 months that Jackson left us to be with Jesus. The 20th of every month is difficult for me. I don’t know if that will ever change. It’s a number and a day that left a hole in my heart to never be filled until I am with my baby boy in Heaven. But on this particular day, Jackson decided to bless me with a moment that would hold me up and shower me with strength to make it through the next 12 hours. I don’t dream about Jackson much. I’ve probably had three dreams about him since he moved to Heaven. But this morning was different. In the moments before I woke up, I dreamt Jackson and I were in Kate’s classroom. Jackson was getting into some of the teacher’s...
my three sunshines
A couple of months before Jackson moved to Heaven, Eric and I started talking about possibly having a third child. It was mostly light talk. We were enjoying the kids so much, and both agreed we could see ourselves with another child. The problem we faced was that I have difficult pregnancies. I’m basically sick and nauseous for nine months straight. Neither of us really wanted to go through that part again. So, we were just at the point of daydreaming of what that might look like. When our world was shattered on April 20, 2013, having another baby was the farthest thing from our thoughts. But several months after Jackson moved to Heaven, my heart started nudging my mind to reconsider having a third child. My heart aches to have Jackson sitting in my arms...
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