one more
I did something I shouldn’t have the other morning. And it’s tearing me up inside. Kate and I were playing with Ryder and trying to get him to roll over from his back to his front. These days he is enthralled with the cell phone and mini iPad. If I’m holding him and typing something or reading, he just stares and reaches for it. Of course, I don’t let him play on it. He really just wants to chew on it to soothe his gums. So, Kate and I were showing him a video of Kate in the hopes of it motivating his little body to stretch and reach for it and ultimately roll over. It wasn’t working, but we were practicing. I left the room for a moment and soon overheard, “One more. One more.” coming from the phone. It was Jackson. Kate was watching a video I filmed of Jackson...
happy birthday, Jesus
In the last year-and-a-half I have befriended a handful of people that I probably wouldn’t have if it was not for my Jackson moving to Heaven. I’ve become close to other moms who have also lost children. Some of their kids were young like Jackson, others in their middle school years and another as a teenager. It’s always nice to talk with them because they truly understand what I struggle with on a daily basis. They understand the depth of my pain. I don’t have to ever put on a front for them. When I’m having a bad day because the hurt is too great, I can just sit and cry. No words need to be spoken because they understand. Throughout the first year, I would hear from my newfound friends that “the second year is harder”. I always thought that was the craziest...
this too shall pass
I have to admit something. Ready? Here goes…Ryder is not a perfect baby. There. I said it. Don’t get me wrong. He’s wonderful, and beautiful and I love him to pieces. But starting at about seven weeks old, he started crying – ALOT! And pooping – ALOT! And spitting up – ALOT! I have created a permanent figure eight indentation in our carpet from circling the downstairs while constantly patting his bottom, ssshhhing and bouncing him. Talk about multi-tasking! My back is about to break. I’m not sure I have one piece of clothing that doesn’t have his smelly, streaky signature. The carpets have even endured Ryder’s spewing wrath. And it’s to the point that I just have to laugh as his spit-up attacks my hair then slowly...
thanks and what it really means
(This post isn’t very timely, but with a newborn in the house, “timely” isn’t actually in my vocabulary these days. But it is VERY important for me to show my appreciation to everyone and recognize this important, annual event in our lives.) There isn’t a sweeter sound in the world for a grieving mother than to hear her child’s name roll off a person’s tongue. And a few weekends ago it sounded like a chorus of heavenly angels magnificently singing Jackson’s name. For the fourth year in a row, we participated in Briggs and Al’s Run for Children’s Hospital in Milwaukee. Every year I am humbled by the support we receive from family, friends and strangers. The first two years we participated, it was our way of giving back to the medical team who cared deeply and...
moving forward
“No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you’re the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.” – Unknown Only six more weeks to go until Baby Reese makes his debut into this world. There are so many emotions racing through my body as the day approaches, and so many decisions to be made. As Eric and I prepare though, it’s different. We’re not preparing in the same way we did when our first child entered the world. We had no idea what to expect with our first. We were clueless as most new parents are. They don’t give you all the details in your birthing classes otherwise I think people would run in the other direction! We were filled with excitement and wonder. And the moment we...
happy 3rd birthday, Jackson!
Dear Jackson, Happy 3rd Birthday!!!!! Momma misses you terribly. Every day. Not a moment goes by that I don’t miss you or think about you. Buddy, I hope you are having a wonderful birthday in Heaven. I’m sure the birthday parties in Heaven are magnificent! I wish I could see you and talk to you and wrap my arms around you. I would love to know what you’re doing at this very moment. What do you look like? I bet you’ve grown a lot in this last year. Would I even recognize you? We all miss you. I miss holding you. Daddy misses your kisses, especially at night when you would walk up the stairs and give him goodnight kisses through each spindle in the staircase. Kate misses playing with you, and Wesley misses you feeding her your food. Jackson, I’ve...
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